You would think from how we are sometimes portrayed that a simple list of grunts and groans would allow you (women) the ability to easily understand us. However most of us have evolved somewhat and tend to employ more language skills these days.
But, for some reason, women still seem to have a very hard time understanding or relating to the way we communicate with you. Having run across this problem a lot during my recent dating escapades I felt it fair to share.
We Are Simple
Nine times out of Ten what a man says is exactly what he means. There are no hidden meanings or games being played. You ask, “Are you hungry. Did you want to go out and eat?” We answer, “I could eat.” Three simple words that tells you we can eat food. It answered both your questions. Please don’t get frustrated because we didn’t say, “I would love to go out and grab a bite with you; did you have anyplace special you wanted to go?”
Now if you asked your question differently than you would probably get a different response.
If we ask, “Is everything okay?”
This could also be things like, “you doing alright?”, “are you sure?”, or “we can do something else if you want…” This means we are concerned. Typically we have seen something in your body language or tone that doesn’t gel with you saying, “Everything is fine.” Please do not make us waste time playing a guessing game or analyzing the past week to see if there is some way we offended you or upset you. We are asking fairly directly if there is a problem; we want a direct answer.
If you stay moody and don’t communicate we will either: A) act like there is no problem or B) get sullen and moody to match you because we can’t fix things and make you happy (we like to fix things – we are guys). Unless you want either option, maybe you should tell us what is wrong (even if it has nothing to do with us).
If we are Quiet
This doesn’t mean something is wrong. We could be tired, not have anything interesting to say, have interesting stuff to say that you don’t like talking about (sports), or be thinking about work. Typically if you ask us, “Is anything wrong?” and we reply with any of the above reasons then it is completely true.
Tips for Communicating with Us
- Be direct. Don’t waste time beating around the bush. Just ask what you want to know or talk about what is bothering you.
- Don’t let things fester. We hate when you have something bothering you and everybody can tell, but you don’t want to talk about it. That shows a lack of trust that we can deal with problems together.
- Don’t give us mixed signals. We read body language, listen to tone, and hear your words. Communication isn’t a guessing game or any other kind of game. It involves two people discussing things.
I cannot stress these tips enough. Communication is the absolute core of any successful relationship I have had and usually a cause of failed ones (when it is bad). People who are afraid to communicate are just creating a bigger problem by putting it off instead of just getting it out in the open and over with. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about what you want to say or how you say it; but don’t avoid talking about something because you are afraid of what the answer might be. More than likely it will be the same answer next week as it is now.
If you have a history of communication problems in your love life and you are ready to reclaim your POWER in the dating game so you can put yourself in position to win the game of love I would like to invite you to follow us at http://www.loveawake.com. And while you’re there, make sure to grab a free copy of our e-book: The ABC’s of Smarter Dating:26 Tips & Strategies to Immediately Improve Your Love Life